White Rabbit Heads to the Super Bowl!

White Rabbit!

Tomorrow our local American football team is playing in the Super Bowl! 😀 This is only the third time ever that the Kansas City Chiefs are playing in what is casually called “The Big Dance” and the first time I will have experienced it! 😯 I cannot wait and of course I hope they win and make us all proud!

Sorry for such sparse journeys (entries) and short ones at that. I’ve been constantly busy around the house and working hours I used to spend traveling (blogging) are now times I am at work. I still have much to tell all of you and I do still have to make a schedule for events such as this and exercise, etc.

I’ll get there eventually; I promise! ❤

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

So It Begins Again

Welcome to 2020! White Rabbit!

Another blank canvas, calendar, what have you. It’s time to start again! So it begins again; what are you resolving to do differently this year? What new journey will you travel? Personally, I haven’t given much thought to this. I don’t even have a phrase for this year yet.

I will begin by saying that I’m sorry I didn’t finish my thought process from last year (my last entry/journey). Words were failing me towards the end of the year and I became very busy. I will do my best this year to write more often and journey with all of you more and more on our own Emmaus Journey.

Until next time…

Love and prayers! ❤

A Year Ago Today

One year ago today was my last Black Friday as a retail associate. I will never again work retail and will never participate in another Black Friday as long as I live. I worked my last Black Friday last year knowing full well that I would never again set foot in a shopping mall or retail establishment on Black Friday. I also knew I would never work retail on Black Friday ever again!

You know perhaps that is why this year doesn’t feel like I feel it should. I keep waiting for that “holiday meeting” to roll around, but it won’t. There’s no need to have a “holiday meeting” when you work at a retirement home or don’t work retail. Every day is the same; some people might think of such a thing as bad, but quite honestly I’m glad. It’s time that I “retire” myself and relax. This holiday season will be much calmer and I couldn’t be happier for that! 😀

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

All Saints Day and a White Rabbit

Hi long time no see…uh, read? Write? Whatever! I’m back now and I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long. Too much happening to record it all and get you all caught up; I’ll do my best to post as things become relevant to what has happened and what will be happening. As of right now, in this post, I’m going to start small and say I have more days I’m working and more new ideas for C & S Productions (which currently the website is under construction as I’m working on it, so no link to the website right now).

I know this entry is going to be short so here’s the other thing about today: White Rabbit! Also today is All Saints Day in the Catholic church and I just got back from Mass so I can’t really spend much time writing tonight, but I’ll try to do better in the next few weeks. Please forgive me for not being here sooner, but from the looks of things (stats), a lot of you have been by and visited even though I haven’t been here. That’s great! So for the new visitors (or as I call you all: travelers): WELCOME! ❤ I’m not always this scatterbrained, just here recently. 😆 😳

Anyway, I’ll have to sign off for tonight, but I promise I will be back real soon!

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

August White Rabbit Starts Anew

White Rabbit! I know I promised, or at least wanted to try to update on July 28, but life got in the way and I had too much to do. Here I am now! Let’s try again.

A few updates on my health, and I’ll be brief because I’m tired and really just need and want some time to rest. Here goes!

I went to the doctor on July 26 and my anxiety got the better of me in the beginning. I begged to have the door left open a crack, but the nurse said because of privacy issues she couldn’t do that. She did promise to leave it a crack on her way out. My blood pressure wasn’t good as I was scared out of my mind, but she said it was good. Finally, the doctor came in and we talked a good while before she decided to help me get some new medicine to help. She told me it would take some time before the medicine reached its full, desired effects. I must say within the first 48 hours of taking it, I have never felt better in a very long time. It feels good to know I finally have a primary care doctor who seems to care about me again! 🙂

Last night, at work, I somehow had a minor anxiety or panic attack again. I think what triggered it was the fact that one of my coworkers never showed up to work and it wasn’t explained why. I don’t think they ever got a hold of her. I panicked because that meant I’d probably have another table to manage and I didn’t want that. My chest became tight and I spaced out a bit; my handwriting on my note sheet looked extremely sloppy (when I later tried to read it). I think I finally calmed down about 2 tables in to my shift. It was about then, though, that I accidentally tried to carry too many coffee cups and saucers and one fell to the floor and shattered. I tried not to make a big deal about it, but it wasn’t easy. Also the remaining coffee cups and saucers went to another table during our time of resetting the tables. I was a little upset, but not much as it was only 3 and didn’t really matter in the long run.

The next appointment coming up is Steven’s with his new doctor. Once more I’ll have to face the stairwell on my own because he doesn’t like Mom holding the door for me. I guess the only reason I still like to have someone hold that door is because it’s very heavy and I fear I can’t get out. 😦

Well, all that being said I think it’s time to end this entry and I’ll try to write again as soon as I can. 🙂

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

Welcome to Another Year of Blogging!

Hello everyone and welcome to a new year of traveling (blogging)! 😀 Eight years ago today I started this journey (blog) not knowing where this would take me (and now us). I had no idea just how popular this blog would become and how many people would actually be interested in this journey of life (namely my own at the time), but now I see that there really are other people out there who are just like me and looking for answers but finding none sadly! Luckily, we’ve found each other in this blog! 😀

Our new year begins today and we’re starting our 8th year looking for more adventure (and maybe some misadventures because hey, our lives are far from perfect and that’s just how life is you know?)! 😀

I’ll begin by saying that if I seem rather chipper today, that’s because I am! My doctor’s appointment went well…really, really well! I’m getting a lot done and feeling very happy again! I can’t complain, with the exception of Mom coming in every other minute, and I can’t be too disappointed about things either.

Tonight I even went to Mass again for the first time in a while again. I don’t know why I didn’t go too often recently; I can only guess it was because I claimed the weather wasn’t perfect for it, but if that’s my excuse then I’m really not ever going to go because there’s always going to a not perfect day. After all, I said earlier our lives are far from perfect!

I’m actually thinking very seriously about my idea I mentioned last year and probably will actually implement it very soon! Don’t worry you wouldn’t miss out on anything (except maybe some juicy details about my personal life 😉 ) if you don’t support me on Patreon, but wouldn’t you like to have the full access?! 🙂 Well, don’t fret too much I don’t even know when I’ll start that or much else beyond that it will happen.

With all that being said, I have lots to get done before quitting for the night and going to watch TV with the family. So until next time…

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

Stumbling Along Life’s Journey

“What if I stumble and what if I fall?” (What if I stumble? D. C. Talk, 1995)

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Lately that’s been me; I’ve been stumbling along life’s journey lately. That’s why I haven’t been on here in almost a month. I’m sorry. 😦 (I’ll post the lyrics to that song later for all of you and the music video if I can find both.)

I have lots of words in my head and lots of emotions going on. I don’t feel like rambling them all off to anyone, but just to give you an idea of how extreme and how crazy life’s been, here’s a sample:

• I’m trying to find someone to help me repair the roof on my house because apparently the fascia, soffitt (not sure on spelling), and some other part are all sagging and making the roof pull away from the rest of the house. 😦 I don’t know if homeowner’s insurance will help pay for this or not; this has me worried about finances now.
• I have a primary care/doctor’s appointment tomorrow (Wednesday) and I haven’t gone to a primary care doctor in years! I’m scared out of my mind! I’m going to try to have them keep the door open a crack for me (at the very least) so I don’t go into mass hysteria mode on them because of my claustrophobia. I’m also trying to do this alone (without Mom) so I can talk about things that I don’t like to talk about in front of her (e.g., my anxiety, depression, and stress of dealing with her). 😐
• I saw a table of about 5-6 elderly ladies last night at the retirement home. It made me realize just how diverse and accepting that generation is of everyone. There were ladies of varied backgrounds and ethnicity and no one seemed to care. They laughed and carried on as if, and maybe they have, been friends for years! 🙂

So I’m stumbling about trying to make things work; heck if you could see me typing this you would see just how much I am struggling. I keep having to go back and delete some characters or insert characters, etc. I’m a mess right now! 😕

I’ll try to report some time soon, but I don’t know how soon. Just keep praying for me (especially and specifically for the doctor’s appointment tomorrow) and I’ll do my best on everything! I haven’t forgotten about you or about this blog! I promise!

(Here’s the song and video as promised.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOnokwbFH4s

The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today
Is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips
Then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle.
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.

What if I stumble?
What if I fall?

Is this one for the people?
Is this one for the Lord?
Or do I simply serenade for things I must afford?
You can jumble them together, my conflict still remains
Holiness is calling, in the midst of courting fame

Cause I see the trust in their eyes
Though the sky is falling
They need Your love in their lives
Compromise is calling

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You never turn in the heat of it all
What if I stumble, what if I fall?

Father please forgive me for I can not compose
The fear that lives within me
Or the rate at which it grows
If struggle has a purpose
On the narrow road you’ve carved
Why do I dread my trespasses will leave a deadly scar

Do they see the fear in my eyes?
Are they so revealing?
This time I cannot disguise
All the doubt I’m feeling

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

What if I stumble?
Everyone’s got to crawl when you know that
You’re up against a wall, it’s about to fall
Everyone’s got to crawl when you know that (2x)

I hear You whispering my name [You say]
“My love for You will never change” [never change]

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You never turn in the heat of it all
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You are my comfort, and my God

Is this one for the people, is this one for the Lord?

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Love and prayers, as always! ❤

Simple and Brief Tonight

I know I haven’t been on here in a long time. Sorry again! Please bear with me; it’s not that I don’t WANT to be on here, but rather I don’t know HOW to say what’s all on my mind.

I’m in one of those moments again where my life is running wild and emotions are mixed and very extreme or intense right now. Words won’t come to me either. I feel right now like I’m an abstract piece of art or music. Nothing is clear and fully in focus either. There is much to talk about and yet not much all at the same time.

My emotions are so high that even the littlest thing will set me off. I mean that in a negative way; though, it could do that, too! In fact, it actually did yesterday. My printer kept jamming and having error after error so that when finally I’d solved all the printer issues and Mom or Steven (I can’t remember now who) came in my room to ask me something I almost shouted.

Just before writing this entry I watched a video about passing on positive actions, messages, etc. and it made me cry big tears! I can’t even express why. I’m on such an emotional roller coaster right now.

I’ll do my best to get back to you all, but please don’t leave me; remember I’m still with you even if I’m not here. Leave messages, find a way to get in touch with me. I want to hear from all of you! 🙂

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

It’s Dangerous to Leave Introverts Alone

I was outside waiting for Steven to come back out this morning so we could mow the lawn together (something we do quite often and I, quite honestly, enjoy). As I waited, my mind wandered.

I leaned up against our detached garage and stared up at the serene, azure sky. Not a cloud up there. As I look up there, are you looking down at me? I asked of Daddy.  As I look down there, are you looking up at me as you did when you were little? I almost instantly heard in my head in Daddy’s voice; maybe he really was trying to talk to me. I stopped looking up for a moment and lowered my gaze to the pavement. What if there’s a window somewhere just for them to look down? What if I am crazy and I’m just thinking I heard Daddy just now? Maybe I just want to hear him again. With that I wandered over to the patio table.

It’s interesting how there might be some way to communicate with those who’ve gone before us. Maybe it’s telepathic. Then I paused again and looked towards the lawn mowers waiting for Steven and me.

It’s crazy how I actually don’t mind mowing the lawn. It’s kind of therapeutic in a way. It’s also sad just how little time I do have to be with Steven. I paused again and sighed. I wonder, does he think about such things when he’s alone? Am I crazy? My mind just keeps racing and coming up with stranger and stranger things to think about as I wait.

Just then the door opened and Steven walked out ready to mow the lawn. I didn’t dare say any of these thoughts to him, but I still wondered a bit. It seems to me that it’s dangerous to leave introverts, such as myself, alone. Our minds wander to places where maybe they shouldn’t be. I tend to go to morbid thoughts sometimes or other times I just reflect on various topics. Either way, it seems dangerous to leave us alone with our thoughts too long. We can become deeply entranced with whatever has caught our mind and we reflect, maybe too deeply for some, on a greater higher level than what others ever can or do.

I dunno; are you like me and tend to reflect on morbid or deep thoughts when you’re alone? What do you think about or reflect on? Am I right? Is it dangerous to leave introverts alone?

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

On the Mend…Again!

Sorry I haven’t written in a while. You see I’ve been trying to take care of yard work around the perimeter of the house and I sort of ran into some poison ivy (maybe poison oak, too) and a bunch of chiggers. My left side of my face probably got the worst of the poison ivy and my lower legs are covered in bites from chiggers! 😯 I had to get some prescription cream for my face; as for my bites and my arms (which suffered some damage from both) I am using a lot of calamine lotion. Yup!

Tomorrow, Wednesday, I’m going to my endocrinologist for my check up. Not sure what to expect as I haven’t really seen much in the way of progress myself, but I do feel (other than the a fore mentioned incidents with poison ivy, etc.) a lot better than I did at my last appointment.

I guess there really isn’t much to talk about this time, but I wanted everyone to know I haven’t forgotten about you here at the blog. It’s just been crazy and I haven’t had time to sit down and type anything out to you.

Hope you are all well and not getting too bit up by bugs or attacked by poison ivy, etc. I’ll try to write an update on my health some time next week. Until then…

Love and prayers, as always! ❤