Changes

I’m usually a big advocate of change; I know most people don’t like change because usually they think of change as negative. No one likes to be told that the way (s)he is doing things will be changing. The reason for change is probably for the better, or at least that is what the person advocating change wants you to think. I am usually that catalyst. As I said in my last entry, I learned I lead because I want to change things or don’t like the direction they’re heading. Right now I, unfortunately, am not the instigator of all the changes that are set to begin soon in my life (and the lives of others around me).

First thing to change is Nestle Toll House Cafe, where I work. We are set to have a remodel of the store September 17 into September 18. Supposedly this will only take one whole night, or so I’ve been told. I will do my best to get some before and after photos for all of you, but I make no promises. These changes were set into motion by corporate and will be carried out by Thayne and some of his friends and a contractor. I’m not sure what to think right now; it’s not that I don’t know what’s happening (I know probably more than most of my coworkers right now) it’s just I’m a little uneasy about some of these changes. I was also at one time hoping to have been out before this remodel took place.

Next thing to change is ongoing. I’m looking into a few online resources to see what I can do to better market C & S Productions and make us more credible. I’m not going to say much more about this change because I don’t know a lot myself and I also don’t want to get people’s hopes up.

Now on to another change. This is one that’s probably the hardest for Steven (and a bit for me as well). The online forum where I’ve posted screenshots, drawings, etc. is closing. Steven used to post drawings there A LOT! This is also where he’s made countless friends online. One could argue they’re not really friends, but to him they’re all he has for now. The site/forum is miiverse. I’m sure a lot of my gamer friends have heard of this site and probably have actually posted there themselves. If you’re reading this and are friends with him on there as well, please message him for ways to get in touch with him after miiverse closes in November.

Lastly, this change actually will be ongoing, as well. I’m going to be doing as much as I can for further, self-development. I’m not sure that came out as great as I planned. 🙄 Another way to put it is simply I’m going to be trying to develop more of who I’ve discovered I am and my role in life (whether that’s family, work, etc.) and my beliefs, values, etc.

There you have it! All my changes that will be taking place over the course of the next 2 months or so. One thing that will NOT change is this blog. I plan to continue this blog and help all of you on your life journey. I also hope you will all help me. No matter how big or small, you and I can help each other. I know it will not be easy and there are many detours, bumps, twists, turns, valleys, mountains, canyons, and even maybe a few boulders or pebbles in our paths, but we can do it! We will make it and succeed together. 🙂

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

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A Brief, Emotional Note

I’ve had a rough time as of late. I celebrated my birthday; it was simple and for once I received exactly what I say every year I want: nothing! I didn’t receive a birthday card from Mom or Steven; no presents were unwrapped. I was actually happy. So you might be asking yourself, If you are so happy why didn’t you post anything sooner? Where have you been? Well, I’ll tell you.

I didn’t post sooner because shortly after my birthday I got emotional. My emotions have been all over the board and I haven’t really wanted to talk to anyone. I’ve been in deep prayer and contemplation for about a week now. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone as much as I usually do. I have little to no patience at the moment. I had a rough few days trying to figure out why life doesn’t seem any better. I listened to Steven tell me that probably in another year we won’t be able to afford a dentist. Our bills are getting larger and my paychecks are smaller. I haven’t found a way to keep us afloat. I’m trying to find something to get our business back off the ground. Not much is happening with it. We wanted to try video editing, but no one seems to want that. I have tried to find another job that will pay more than I’m making now, but I’m also torn because I’ve actually grown to like it at Nestle/Haagen-Dazs. I want to be home, though; I want to be here and actually know who Mom and Steven are as people. And you know what else? I’m crying right now as I type this because I know that my future is very uncertain. I don’t know how long I can stay in a house; I’m afraid. I know my extended family reads this blog via email, etc. and I’m sure they’re thinking it’s not that bad or that it should be easy for me (and possibly Steven) to just up and get a new job…a better job! No! No, it’s not that easy. If you’d actually wake up and stop pretending to be happy or apply to jobs with my credentials you’d see there’s very little you can do in this day and age. I am not giving up, though. My family needs me; Steven needs me. Listen, I am going to keep standing up for him and my family (and) myself! We don’t have it easy; we never have! This reminds me; the other thing I received for my birthday was actually a question to reflect on from Steven. He asked me, Why do you lead? I honestly had no answer; I never thought about  it in all honesty until then. Finally, about two days later, I came up with an answer; I lead because I want to make a difference! I want to change things!

Every time I have broken apart from the mob or mainstream culture, I did so because I didn’t agree with what they stood for or wanted to change something — anything — no matter how small! Yes, that’s it! That’s why I lead! I lead to make a difference, to change things! When I finally said that to Steven, he told me Let’s hope you can do that for us — for our business — for our family! I nodded and more than ever I’m determined to make a difference, to change things!

This is probably, now that I think about it, why have been emotional lately and why I haven’t written lately. I’ve been thinking about why I lead; I’ve been trying to figure out how to make a difference and how to change things.

Well, there you have it; why I haven’t been here and my emotional story. Please keep in mind I really would rather not talk about such things in person or rather in a group. Don’t bring this topic up — let me bring it up instead if I want to talk about it.

So this note wasn’t as brief as I thought it was going to be, but at least it helped me to get a few things off my chest and hopefully you’ve learned a bit along the way. 🙂

I’ll try to get back to writing regularly again soon (not sure how soon that will be though if I’m being honest).

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

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Broken: Needs Repair

I’d like to take an ad/classified out. It would read the following:

Broken: Needs Repair
Must be able to bandage a broken heart, ego, emotions, and faith life. Much more may be needed, but please know that only a true friend or handyman could fix this. Handle with care and be prepared for emotional breakdowns from time to time. Can you repair this person? Serious inquiries only, please!

My life’s been shattered so much as of late. My emotions are all over the board. I have gone from being elated to being depressed to befuddled to energized. Earlier this morning (early afternoon), I learned my “grandma” (an older lady at church who I really took a liking to) Mary Lou has died. Her funeral and rosary are going to be on Wednesday. I, unfortunately, cannot attend; I’m opening at the store that day. 😥 I had been elated to learn that as of earlier last week, I was in 4th place in a contest at work for up-selling. I ended up befuddled as to why Steven’s thinking of leaving an online community due to a squabble with others on why people post private things on public places (such as the forum) or demand attention. I was energized earlier this month when I normally shouldn’t be; if you know me at all you know that usually I look forward to attending Mass, but lately I’ve been bored with it and actually became energized when Mom said because her wrist was bothering her she couldn’t attend Mass and Steven and I didn’t want to leave her alone in case she’d need something. I actually felt energized to perform a lot of tasks and activities that normally I don’t have the chance to because I’m at Mass. (I also thought it might be interesting to attend a different type of service, but I never made it to one.)

So other than that, I guess life’s been pretty much normal (or as normal as things ever get around here). My birthday is in two days and I still don’t know much of what to say we’re doing or where I’m going for any of my meals that day. 😐 The only certain thing is we’re going to Mass at 9:00 a.m. for the holy day of obligation, Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Mother.

Well, feel free to reply to my classified ad if you think you’re qualified or serious enough for the job. I’ll get back to you when I can (or if I can).

Love and prayers (’cause the LORD knows I need them), as always! ❤

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Successful Surgery

Mom’s surgery was last Wednesday and it went smoothly, that is after it actually started. We got there almost exactly on time, just a wee bit early. She was even called back more or less on time. By the time I was able to go see her before surgery, we found out that the doctor was running about an hour or so late!

Well, to try to ease Mom’s worries, I tried to find something on the TV in the waiting dock (or whatever it’s called before they take you back in your bed to surgery). All I could find on the TV was cartoons. We actually ended up talking more than watching, but I noticed that we actually had a good time; we didn’t become too angry with each other and she actually looked at me when I talked (normally, she kind of looks to the side or spaces out).

Finally, after she was wheeled back to surgery and I made it to the waiting room again I thought I could take a nap. I was so wrong. I tried to fall asleep, but without a pillow (I forgot one and failed to ask for one in the waiting dock the arm rests were brick-hard! I mean what did I expect?! They’re made of solid wood after all. 🙄 Well, since I couldn’t sleep, I thought I’d email Thayne and my GM telling them that “Mom’s in surgery.” Then I tried to read my book I’d brought with me; I think I fell asleep a couple of times reading it, but mostly I stayed awake and had like maybe 4 cups of coffee. I could have gone to get something to eat, but I didn’t want to have to figure out how to get enough courage to climb the stairs by myself or take an elevator (which I learned is super slow there) back up to the top floor. I also called my dentist office to say I had no idea if I was going to make the appointment or not yet. I also told them I didn’t know if Steven’d make his either. This depends on how Mom feels and if I’m working those days.

Anyway, that’s how surgery went and my waiting time. I guess there’s nothing left to say except that Mom is getting her cast this Tuesday. Time will only tell how long she has to keep that on. Guess now I’m done writing. Probably a good thing as I’m very sleepy right now and getting hungry. 😉

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

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White Rabbit’s Briefing

White Rabbit! This entry is very short and to the point tonight. Mom’s surgery is scheduled for tomorrow (Wednesday) afternoon; I’m going with her alone and Steven says he’ll stay here (at home) and clean up a bit for us. 🙂 I have nothing else worth noting, so I’ll try to write more later tomorrow after the surgery.

Love and prayers (especially for Mom’s surgery and me that I don’t go too crazy with the elevator and/or stairs), as always! ❤

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When Times Get Tough

When times get tough it’s hard to remember He’s been there and He’s here with you. In times of trial, such as what I’m going through right now, I have a hard time believing Jesus is here in my midst. I’m sure I’m not the only one. I believe all of you are like that, too. I also am pretty sure Mom is feeling that way right now.

I refrained from posting this last night, but because a fellow traveler (and relative) indirectly asked me what was up, I figured I should post it here. Apparently yesterday after I left for work (not more than an hour after I left), Mom decided to pull some weeds in our yard and somehow lost her footing and fell on her wrist on our main driveway. 🙄

I missed Steven’s text message about it, even though I have my phone on me (perhaps it’s because I keep it on silence) whenever I go out and am at work. I only turn the sound on when I’m the manager on duty. Since I missed the text, about an hour later, Steven called the store to see if I could get off sooner to help get the house fixed up for Mom when she’d get home. First he said to get to the hospital, but after realizing that I probably wouldn’t be needed (they were in the process of discharging her by the time I got closer to home) so he told me to just head home.

Tomorrow, Monday, I guess she’ll be calling to make an appointment to see the orthopedic doctor/surgeon on Tuesday. On Tuesday she’ll be most likely making an appointment to have surgery on Wednesday (meaning I’m going to have to be at the hospital and not work). In case you can’t figure out by all this, yes, she broke her wrist and is now in a sling and hopefully will soon have a cast and the wrist will soon start to heal. I can only hope and pray that things will get better. Right now she’s on some pain medication that is supposed to ease her pain, but it also has made her lose her appetite, upset to her stomach, and a little dizzy.

All in all it’s been a challenge, but again being a leader is sort of my thing so I guess I’m up for this. I must say I’m very glad that Steven too can step up when needed. I just fear I’m out of time again on how to make things work so I can work from home and not be gone when things like this happen. This makes the second time (maybe the third) that things like this have happened and I am not happy one bit!

Well, I’m going to end my entry here and try to report back tomorrow. At the absolute latest, I’ll post Thursday after work.

Love and prayers (especially for Mom now), as always! ❤

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Anniversary Time Again!

Do you know what today is, travelers?! I’ll give you a hint. 😉 Yes! It’s our sixth anniversary of being on this journey together! 😀 I can hardly believe it!

I’ve been blogging for six years! I’ve openly shared my life with you all this time and tried to help you as you’ve followed me for six years. I’ve had many joys, sorrows, triumphs, tragedies, and everything in between! I feel I’ve only just begun.

As I’m writing this, I wonder how many of you really have been with me since the beginning. I wonder how often you check this blog. I wonder about a lot of you. I want to meet you all; I want to be able to hug some of you and thank you for being there for me. I want to thank you all for your support, prayers, and love at various times throughout these six years!

I only wish there was away to have you support me financially sometimes. My family isn’t exactly the richest one out there, but we somehow get by. I complain about this constantly, but I’m sure if you could/want to support me in that way too you’d find a way.

Let’s just keep traveling together and hopefully — I think it’d be nice; don’t you? — we could meet. Maybe I already know you in person and, in that case, thanks again for everything you’ve done to help me on my personal journey; I hope I’ve helped you, too! 🙂 If we haven’t met yet, I hope we do some day; love always finds a way! Even though we haven’t met yet, thanks for everything you’ve done to help me (even if it’s just as small/simple as a prayer or more); I hope I’ve helped you, too! 🙂

So let’s keep traveling together, helping each other grow, praying for each other, and loving each other! It’s a wonderful blessing to have each and every one of you here with me. I’m going to keep blogging as long as I can! Keep reading because, hopefully, we still have a long journey ahead of us! 😀

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

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It’s Been too Long

It’s been too long since I updated here and I’m sorry! It started with having to cover a few extra shifts and being stressed about my diabetic appointment. I’m ending it now and reporting on everything I can remember that’s happened since my appointment. Please bear with me if I forget something and I’ll do my best to report on it if I remember or if one of you reminds me.

So my appointment went smoothly (more or less). I weighed in a bit on the heavier side, but I figured I would. My blood pressure was a bit high, too. I’m beginning to expect that as high blood pressure runs in the family. My blood glucose/sugar was a bit high, too. We, the doctor and I, concluded that I would be put on a different medication so my insurance wouldn’t make me pay some astronomical price. I just picked up that medicine today!

Steven has a doctor’s appointment this Wednesday and he’s nervous because he knows things haven’t gone very smoothly for him either. He’s also upset because he has to drive himself. I can’t as I have to work (even so I’d probably be a bit nervous because I’d have to either take the stairs by myself or ride an elevator and neither one is appealing to me).

Mom’s eye appointments haven’t gone very smoothly either. She has to go to the hospital for an extra exam on Friday. Again, I can’t take her (Steven will be taking her). She’s nervous as all get out! I ask that you pray for both of them (and myself) as we venture onward with our health issues.

I’m still leading and actually have found ways to make myself feel better. For whatever reason leading became a challenge lately and I don’t know why. I love to lead, so why I was challenged lately really makes no sense to me at the moment. I’m sure it was the devil playing his games again and trying to make me feel horrible! Well, it’s not going to work any more!!

We had a horrible storm a couple of nights ago now and finally just got power restored after a day and a half! I would have been fine, but it’s been so dang hot lately I can’t tolerate the heat much.

We’ve had one Mass with our new parochial vicar (I think I said this already). I think I’m going to like him. If I’ve said this already, which I am 99.99999% sure I have, I’ll just link to it somewhere in this paragraph.

I also managed to get the Secret Shopper at work and score 94% with them! Yay! I was so thrilled and pretty sure I actually had them as a secret shopper anyway because of how they acted and some of what they asked me. Very rewarding!

Not much else I can think of now. If there’s more I’ll write later, when I can, and hopefully it won’t be quite so long this time! 😉

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

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I Have a Name

I don’t like posting things about work much on here any more, but I want to post a little today about something that happened near the end of my shift mostly because it hurts and I’m sure others can relate. I also am hoping that by posting this if you are one to do the action I’m about to relay to you, you’ll stop because it does hurt the victim (and no, I won’t use another word because you are really victimizing or objectifying the person).

Near the end of my shift today one of the two co-workers I mentioned last entry, came in to work and asked our manager (and keep in mind we were all relatively close by each other so my co-worker could have asked me), “What is she doing?” and gestured towards me. My manager explained what I was doing and then proceeded to explain more about other things that my co-worker needed to know (most of which, since it didn’t involve me, I tuned out). I actually felt like interjecting and saying to my co-worker, “I have a name! My name is Christy; we’ve worked together for almost three years!” I didn’t say anything because I prefer to keep the peace and not cause any more drama than is already present; I also try to lead by example rather than aggravate others or ruffle any more feathers, as I like to say.

In conclusion, I’d just like to summarize that words can and do hurt. I really hope that the next time someone (or if it’s you) decide to not address someone by name (unless you really don’t know them or know if they speak your language) you will think twice (or more) because it hurts when people don’t use your name. I could just as easily do some real damage to my co-worker, but two wrongs never make a right. Two lefts make a right, though. 😉 In all seriousness, though, please realize that everyone has feelings, not just yourself. Okay, I’m done here!

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

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A Time for Healing

Yesterday at Mass I was so moved with the Spirit that I cried. It is a time for healing. My time for healing. I now would have so loved to have gone to Confession/Reconciliation/Penance. I will still (maybe) try to go some time this week if I remember or my schedule allows me. I don’t wish to divulge why I feel the need, but I will ask that you all pray for me for my undisclosed reason for healing and more (which I’ll get to later in this entry).

At Mass last night our new associate pastor/parochial vicar was the celebrant. Even with as long-winded as he is/was and his broken English (English is not his first language, Spanish is), I heard something speak to me. He explained how it’s hard to be happy all the time and none of us are perfect; yet, despite our human condition and inability to be good all the time, Jesus loves us and is ready to help us. When we feel like giving up, He is there; when we feel unloved, Jesus is there ready to embrace us and welcome us home again. I cried bitterly. I knew exactly what our Father Juan (our new associate pastor/parochial vicar) was talking about and what it feels like. Finally! Someone understands; someone gets what I’m living through and have lived through! I thought and tears streamed down my face. I can understand now more fully why I needed to attend Mass despite feeling fatigued and pained (physically, psychologically, and emotionally). I still need prayers for that and for another form of healing.

This coming Thursday (four days from now) at 8:45 a.m. CDT, I am going to a new endocrinologist for my second biannual exam. I’m not looking forward to it (am I ever looking forward to my endocrinology appointments any more?! I don’t think so; anyway…) mainly because this time I know my numbers (A1C, blood pressure, weight, etc.) are not as great as they should be, it’s a new doctor, I have to put up with closed doors (and explain why I want the door cracked at the very least), and who knows what else (probably blood work). I should just accept the fact I’m never getting better from being diabetic, but I hate that because I’ve been trying to prove people wrong (it seems to be what I do a lot in life and not just with health issues). I’ve been trying to prove people wrong that say once you’re diabetic, you’re diabetic for life! I will do this! I believe I can! So this is why I am asking for another set of prayers for healing. Help me to heal myself (maybe with the aid of this new endocrinologist) of all my physical health problems (diabetes, blood pressure, et. al.)!

This week will be a time of healing; I’m also hurting because I’ve learned two of my co-workers don’t really like me for some reason (not that I was looking for their approval anyway :/ ) ; two other co-workers thought they could do what I usually do without my help and didn’t want me helping them because “you do everything!” as one put it. 🙄 I roll my eyes because, of course I “do everything” that’s what a shift leader does! That is what any leader does! I guess then you can see why now is a time of healing. I’m ready to be healed and move forward in whatever direction God is calling me. I’ve still been unable to hear what it is in particular He wants of me, but I’m still trying. Still listening.

I’ll fill you all in when I can about my appointment and everything else. Just pray for me for healing of all kinds and I’ll report in again soon! 🙂

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

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