The Great Disappearing Act

A while ago I briefly touched upon the fact that people and things often disappear without warning or without a trace. I said often that’s because we don’t need these people or things as much as we think we do. At the time I was referring to my missing camera, which has since been found, but I’m now reflecting on another occurrence. (I’m sure I mentioned it in passing on here, but for some crazy reason I can’t find where I mentioned it.)

I recall about maybe 3 or 4 years ago I got a text message from Thayne saying that my manager at that time had been let go. He terminated her from the store; yes, that means she was fired. It seemed sudden, but somehow to me it wasn’t that sudden it was more like…finally! Finally, the wool had been removed from his eyes and he saw the truth. I was finally traveling a new path and she wouldn’t be a part of it any more! I remember being both relieved and worried all the same. I was also a bit saddened. She was the person who got me this job in the first place so of course I was sad, but I knew some deep, dark secrets that led up to this and was relieved that at last things would turn around and yet I was worried about who might take her place. Would they be just as bad? I had no idea what was to transpire next. Another disappearance I recall was Daddy’s disappearance.

I’ve told his story numerous times here in the blog. It began with him learning his cancer had returned and was this time more severe. It spread throughout his body and was attacking other organs. His battle led him (and Mom) to the Cancer Centers of America in Tulsa, Oklahoma. It took him far from home and away from Steven and me. Eventually he wound up in the hospice center in Kansas City, Missouri. It appeared Daddy disappeared without a trace and without warning. Somehow, though, to me it was all too apparent and I had to venture on without him. Once again I was relieved, worried, and sad. This seems to be a common thread whenever someone or something goes missing in my life.

At this point in my life many people and things have gone missing or done a disappearing act of sorts. I wish I knew why this happens so frequently and if there’s anyway to change things. I feel, sadly, there is not. The best we can ever hope for is to know that we are just meant to learn some things without them and they are not a part of whom we are to become. I have no other explanation and cannot even come up with anything spiritual, religious, etc. No words of comfort come to mind either. I’m afraid that’s just the way things are. I’m sorry I’m not very reassuring or consoling. For once I’m just as hurt and emotional as the next person. Please don’t take this the wrong way; I’m here to listen to whatever you want to talk about or to just cry on my shoulder (virtually or physically). We’ll all make it somehow and someway with or without that person or thing that seems to have all but disappeared from us.

Love and prayers, as always! ❀

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Plans Don’t Always Go…Well, as Planned

Remember last time I told you that one of the things I wanted to touch upon was plans? No? Well, I am pretty sure I did and that’s what I intend to talk about in this entry.

Over the course of several weeks a lot of my plans didn’t go as I planned them. I thought I had an entire two days devoted to being with Mom and Steven. We were going to the zoo to have fun, go to dinner, and just enjoy each other’s company. Well, the day we decided to go, I started out with a headache and Steven’s allergies were bothering him. Mom also had been bugging us that morning. It all seemed to go wrong. I was thinking to myself,Β This isn’t exactly the day I had planned at all! 😦 I was so sad and thought nothing would go right. Well, God turned that day around pronto!

I met up with a friend in the parking lot and throughout our trip. Once in a while Steven, Mom, and I laughed and enjoyed some merriment. We didn’t get as tired as normal either. We also ended up enjoying dinner at a different location that we originally planned because the other restaurant was “too big” for Mom’s small appetite. I also ended up paying for everything which was fine, but I didn’t plan on it.

God turned my plans upside down, but in the end things ended up a bit better than I probably could have ever predicted.

Other times plans haven’t gone my way were for job interviews. I’d get all prettied up (makeup, dress shoes, etc.), have a resume all set and professionally printed, and then not end up getting the job. God hasn’t planned for me to do any of these office jobs like I always planned on getting when I was in college/university. I suppose that’s because I’m supposed to be a leader at these smaller places and “feed [His] lambs” there. πŸ™‚ ❀

My money situation hasn’t improved much either. I’m still feeling that my plan for making our company a success isn’t going to happen as quickly as I’d like. I just pray that God’s plan isn’t for me to go broke before I can make our company succeed. That would be devastating! πŸ˜₯

At any rate, I think I’ve proven my point about plans not always going as planned. As far as plans go, I’m not sure when I plan to write next. I’ll just have to wait and see how things go and when I have the time. (I sure find myself saying that about a lot of things as of late, unfortunately. 😐 )

Until then…

Love and prayers, as always! ❀

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Brief and to the Point

I’ll be brief; I’ve been busy and I haven’t had time to write. I’m inspired, but no time to write what’s been going on and how I feel. There I said it! Let me just touch upon a few topics and try my best to write more in the days and weeks ahead elaborating on them.

Our plans are not God’s plans; God has a plan for each of us. We may not know what it is, but God does and God hasΒ big plans for us. These plans are meant to be for good and not bad. We don’t always want to believe in God’s plan; we make our own and hope that they coincide with God’s. They don’t always!

There’s a reason why things or people go missing. We may not need them like we think we do. They may not need us. We’re part of something bigger and better than them and they’re only holding us back from our full potential. (My camera’s gone missing again; that’s where I’m going with this as far as “things” go.)

I’m free; you’re free. We’re free to do as we please. Unless someone has a gun pointed at you and you’re trying to care more about yourself than others, you’re free. You can choose to be cooperative and follow the orders you are given; you are free to choose to serve people, God, yourself, et. al.

Money is a means to an end; money doesn’t have to be an end. We only use money as a way of obtaining what we need to survive; wouldn’t it be great if we could just trade items again? I mean if I need my car fixed maybe I could lend myself out as an administrative assistant for the mechanic while my car is in the shop being repaired. Or perhaps someone needs a cake done and I can have them clean some dishes for me in the backroom while I’m decorating the cake.

β€œYou’re braver than you think, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think,” Christopher Robin said this to Winnie the Pooh. I totally agree with this and Steven’s proven this to me. I was able to go down an enclosed stairwell again with him. (I’ll delve into this more at a later time, but just know this has been an issue for a while now.) I also have learned I can now lift about 60 pounds. I also am trying to remind myself I’m not stupid; I’m quite smart (just not in the same way as everyone else).

Okay, so there’s some inspiration and brief ideas as to what I’ve been, I guess you might say, told to share with all of you. I sort of felt nudged to write these things and maybe they’re also meant to help me in the future. *Shrugs* I dunno! Time will only tell!

Love and prayers, as always! ❀

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A Time for Every Purpose

Ecclesiastes 3 is basically what I’ve been reminding myself time and again as of late. For those of you unfamiliar with it, in summary, says that there is a time and purpose for everything. Lately, for me anyway, I’m going through a time where I’m struggling with my faith again and I’m also struggling financially. There’s a lot of struggling going on in my life right. Let’s just be forthright about it.

I can’t find a reason to not be gloomy. I’ve had everything from faith to health bothering me at the moment. Maybe bothering is not the right word, but I’m not sure what is other than struggles.

About 4 days ago I had a horrible headache; I’m still not 100% sure what caused it. I only venture to guess it’s because I couldn’t eat dinner (because it didn’t agree with me), which made me sick, and then couldn’t eat anything else the rest of the day. My head hurt which in turn caused my stomach to get nauseous and then led to me being unable to sleep. This all led me to not being able to finish my 8-hour shift on Friday. I did get a sports drink from Nicole, but it seemed to only help keep me at work for 6 hours. I was still a bit tired on Saturday, but pulled through my shift and then managed to make it to church Sunday.

While at church on Sunday my mind wandered. I couldn’t focus on anything. I don’t remember anything about the readings (I think, maybe I’m wrong, they were about [Saint] John the Baptist). I only remember the announcements at the end congratulated Steven’s favorite teacher for being at the school for 26 years!

Here it is now Monday and I have to go back to work tomorrow. Not looking forward to it as I have to work with someone who just is really picky and even more sarcastic than I am! (Hard to believe isn’t it?!)

I’ve been wanting to talk to a friend of mine for quite some time, but he just recently returned from vacation and I doubt he’ll be back up in Kansas City soon. (I’m sure some of you have guessed who this is.) I have a lot to talk about with him, too. I hope he has an hour or more to spend with me, but I doubt that.

Also I’ve been doing some research on new ideas for my company since none of you have told me if you’d sponsor me on Patreon. Maybe you just don’t know enough about it or you don’t think you could help me. Let me remind you, every little bit would help and Patreon is used by so many people to help artists (writers, musicians, painters, etc.) to continue what they do and give rewards to their supporters. I’m still dreaming up ideas on how to reward people, but some of what I’m thinking of includes access to special entries and mentions in a blog entry at the beginning or end of each month.

Anyway, I guess everything has a purpose; I just wish I knew what my purpose is right now and why all that is happening is.

As I continue to struggle, I hope you’ll at least consider helping me or telling me in someway what you think of my idea. I just want to finally be able to stay home on days when the weather is less than ideal, be financially secure/stable, healthy, and happy.

Love and prayers, as always! ❀

PS Christmas is 6 months from today! πŸ˜€

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Father’s Day 2018

Another Sunday in June. That’s all today is to me. It’s Father’s Day in the USA, but for me it’s just another Sunday in June. No presents, no gifts, no cards. Nothing special. I spent the majority of the day outside in the heat trying to paint, caulk, and patch the soffit on the east side of our detached garage. We did the west wall about 2 weeks ago and it is all done. Alleluia! I’m happy to say that all that I have left to do tomorrow is paint the main boards of the soffit. I painted the trim both above and below the soffit. I also managed to finally patch the northeast corner. It gave me no end of trouble! 😑 I asked around for ideas with Nicole, Steven, and one other coworker. I ultimately went with a combination of Nicole, Steven, and my own ideas. It’s working thus far and the only downfall of the whole thing is it cut my left index finger! 😯 Owie! πŸ˜₯ I used drywall screen to help support the patch and was trying to attach it to the good boards when it decided to take a bite out of my finger. I don’t think it’s too bad (my cut that is); when I cleaned it up just before dinner I think it looked like maybe a 1/4″ at worst. Still hurts like heck, but I’m okay! A little blood probably made its way into my patchwork, but oh well like Steven said “We’ve put our blood, sweat, and tears into this project!” He’s not kidding! I think I’ll add to it saying I may have added some of my hair, too! πŸ˜†

Anyway, that’s one reason I haven’t been back to this blog; the other reason is I was hoping to hear back from all of you on my idea. So far no one has “Liked” my post nor shared any comments on it. I didn’t mean to frighten any of you away, but I was hoping for some feedback and just to let you all know just how bad things are financially for us.

I guess, for now, that’s all I have to talk about as I’m quite tired and really don’t feel like rambling on. Maybe soon I’ll have something a bit more motivational to write about, but I haven’t had time to think. It’s been a real struggle just to get this garage project finished! I’m hoping to wrap up by this time (roughly 7:00 pm CDT) tomorrow.

Still looking for feed back on my idea; let me know what you think! πŸ™‚

Love and prayers, as always! ❀

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My Idea

So last time I told you all I had an idea and am looking for feedback. I truly want your opinions on this. *Takes a deep breath.* Here goes!

Funds and finances have been really tight for a long time now and are finally at the breaking point in my life. I am looking into many options at the moment and one of them involves all of you. I want to start a Patreon account and make some of these entries here in the blog only accessible to those of you who support me on Patreon and I’d be sure to mention you in publicly accessible entries. You don’t have to give much, but the more you give the more you might be able to see…potentially. I don’t have all the kinks worked out yet and really this is just a suggestion at the moment. I have to look into how this all works making some entries only available to certain people, etc. I also have to look into what it takes to create a Patreon account, too.

For those of you who don’t know, Patreon is basically a way for artists of all types (written, physical — like paintings, sculptures, etc., and other ways I can’t think of now) to gain support from their fans to keep doing what they’re doing, but to earn a little extra money in while doing so.

I’m sure by now you’re asking yourself a couple different things right now. One of which I’m sure is, what would you write about that wouldn’t be accessible to everyone? Well, more personal matters (e.g., my personal religious/spiritual encounters, health issues, and secret projects pertaining to my company are just a few of the things I am thinking of at the moment).

There you have it; that’s my idea. Please “Like” this post, reply to it, whatever you want. Just let me know what you think! It won’t likely take off, though, right away; I’m thinking I might start it around my birthday (August 15) or so. Anyway, just gauging interest and feedback right now.

I’ll talk to you all later!

Love and prayers, as always! ❀

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Been a Long Time

Okay, here I am once again and I know it’s been a long time. The last time I wrote I was preparing for a doctor’s appointment, or more appropriately my endocrinology appointment or diabetic doctor. I recall I was nervous as all get out (as I like to say) and asked for you to all pray for me and send me positive vibes. Well, that’s all behind me now. I’m sure you’re more than a little curious as to know how it went. Here goes!

I was still nervous as all get out when I arrived at the office; I also didn’t eat breakfast because one, I wasn’t hungry yet and two, I didn’t want to weigh in any heavier than I felt I already was. My blood sugar/glucose fasting reading was 144 mg/dL and they also decided to do my HbA1c which was 6.8%; I was already starting to calm down. Next came my pulse which was 80 and my blood pressure was 118/80. This too was great news! Last time my HbA1c was 7.4% and my pulse was (I think she said over 100); my blood pressure was also up last time about 140/100 or something like that. Now it was time for my weight; I didn’t really wanna see this! It was that “time of month” and I knew I’d put on a few pounds because of that, but I had no choice. I stepped up on the scale 178 lbs. Meh, not bad; last time I was 173, but I mean it wasn’t like I had a choice in the matter. Periods don’t exactly like to be when they should even if you are “on the pill” (which I am, but for other reasons and I’m not getting into that right now). I was still nervous as heck because I now had to go into another room and wait for the doctor; these rooms are always so small that I must have the nurse leave the door open a crack or I panic due to my claustrophobia.

Time ticked on rather slowly, but after about 15-20 minutes the doctor finally came in the room. My moment of truth; had all my hard work of trying to lower my triglycerides and cholesterol finally paid off? What was my doctor going to tell me? Last time I was in my triglycerides were over 500 and my cholesterol was high, too (I can’t remember what it was). Well, my triglycerides are now 240 and my cholesterol was lower now, too (I can’t remember the number he gave me for some reason). He informed me that he was going to up my dosage on my cholesterol medicine to double the amount (no problem in my book) and said that hopefully this will help get more of my numbers lower.

Finally after he left, I gathered up all my belongings and left with Mom. I was so happy that I said I was going to celebrate by eating what I’ve been eating and craving that morning (a breakfast burrito from QuikTrip, our nearest gas station). I also grabbed myself a pomegranate drink made by a company called bai.

It’s been a long time since I’ve received such great news from the endocrinologist. I’m glad we’re finally making progress again! πŸ˜€

I’ll try to write again some time soon, but with more hours at work and more projects at home I cannot tell you how soon I will write. We shall see!

Love and prayers, as always! ❀

PS Next time I have a question for all of you and I hope you’ll actually answer or if you like the idea, you’ll “Like” the entry. Until then! ❀

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A Little Bit of Faith

For lack of a better entry, since I haven’t been here in so long, I’m writing about faith. I have never really known how to write about this, but I feel somewhat inspired tonight. Please bear with me as I do so tonight because I really have no idea where this entry is headed.

Before I delve headlong into this entry, I want to apologize for not being back on here sooner. As any readers of at least a year know, May is always a challenging month for me. It begins with an anniversary of the day my dad proposed to my mom, then Nicole’s birthday (my manager), following shortly thereafter is Steven’s birthday, would’ve been Daddy’s the next day, some time after that is Mother’s Day (in the USA), ten days after Daddy’s birthday is his new birthday (death anniversary date, but I’d rather say “new birthday”), and by the end of the month is Memorial Day and Mom’s birthday. I’ve been rather stressed and that’s putting it mildly. My blood sugar has been on the climb again and I’m also not looking forward to Thursday as I have to go to my endocrinologist appointment. I’ll try to update that when I get back or soon thereafter. Anyway, please forgive me for not writing in this sooner.

Now onto my entry about faith. I’ve been trying a lot of new things lately. Mostly work related, but others on my own business. I’m having trouble believing things are going to work out, but I’ve been told to “have faith” from multiple sources. Faith is, from what I can recall from various places and inspiration as of late, believing even if you can’t see something visually. My classic example this past week has been to have faith that my bank account will not be negative when I go to purchase something using my debit card. You see I’ve been trying to pay off my credit card by using my bank account to do so and that’s also the same way I pay for my health insurance and other necessities (e.g., my personal groceries, meals when I’m at work, etc.). I also have faith that I will have a job to go to when I arrive at the mall; no, I don’t think I’ll be fired it’s just that something could happen to cause the mall or the store to not be there (yes, that’s an extreme example, but I’ve been worrying over silly things like this for one reason or another and do not wish to divulge any at the moment).

I started think about faith again this week when I re-watched a commencement speech that Jim Carey gave (I think it was last year). He said that his father could have been a successful comedian, but didn’t. Why? Well, he didn’t have the faith to do something nontraditional; his father decided to become an investor (stock market I think, I can’t remember now). Unfortunately, by not taking a risk or having faith, Mr. Carey lost his job. This told Jim, and me, not to take “the easy way out” as I’ll call it and be traditional. I guess this is another reason why I have faith that somehow, someway, sometime, my business will take off and I will be a better person for it. Faith will show me through.

Okay, the other reason I’m on this faith topic is today is Pentecost Sunday and I’m guessing the apostles were also a bit worried until Jesus told them the Holy Spirit (Ghost) would come and give them the courage and faith to profess all that Jesus had taught them.

Now I just have to have faith myself again going to the endocrinologist appointment on Thursday morning. I’m scared, but I’m sure I’ll be fine; it’s just I haven’t been good nor have I been bad either. It just seems I’ve probably stayed the same (except for today; I had a lot of “bad” food, e.g., doughnuts, fried chicken, mashed potatoes — which I don’t even really like much any more — ,and candy. 😐

Well, this entry ended up much longer than I planned! 😯 I think I’ll end it here as I still have lots to do before bed tonight. I’ll try to remember to write again Thursday night or Friday following my appointment; if I don’t, please don’t worry. Have faith; IΒ will write again! πŸ˜‰

Love and prayers, as always! ❀

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White Rabbit on May Day

White Rabbit! It’s about that time of year when thoughts return to birthdays. I know we constantly have birthdays in my extended family and cards are often exchanged, but this time of year I’m always more aware of birthdays. The beginning of May signifies to me the start of birthdays in my immediate family.

On Saturday we will be celebrating Steven’s birthday; hard to believe he’s going to be 32 this year! 😯 I can scarcely believe it; I remember very vividly holding him in the maternity ward shortly after he was born. So fragile and so handsome. So tiny and so big at the same time. I may have only been about 4 and half years old, but something at that point in time told me that I’d have a friend forever! (If only I had stayed so protective and not let society dictate otherwise to me. 😦 )

May Day is also a very special day because it was on this day (I believe I figured out roughly 40 some years ago) Daddy proposed to Mom. I should have bought her some flowers today, but my budget didn’t allow for it this year.

Next Saturday marks Mother’s Day here in the USA. I hope I’ll have a little extra money to spend so I can take us all to the zoo. Normally we try to go twice a year and I’m hoping this year we can do it again; we haven’t been able to the past two years because of very tight budgets and work schedules. Maybe, hopefully, this year will be different.

By the end of May we will be celebrating Mom’s birthday. I hope this year I can actually take her to dinner some place better than a fast food joint.

Hard to believe that this year is already a fourth of the way through. I guess time just has a way of slipping away from you. 😦 I hope I can make things work this year so it doesn’t just disappear and we haven’t made any headway or wonderful memories.

Well, that’s about all I feel like writing for now as I have a headache and I’m going to try to rest now and get rid of it before I have to go to work tomorrow afternoon.

Love and prayers, as always! ❀

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Hi Again! Long Time No Post

Sorry it’s been so long; I have been incredibly busy, but I think I finally have about 10 minutes or so to spend posting. Where shall I begin? I guess I’ll start by sharing some very overdue pictures.

Do you all remember me saying that I took a photo of Nestle after the remodel? No? Well, even if you don’t I’m pretty sure I said I did; and well, truth be told I didn’t like the first one I took. It looked so weird and I decided that I’d retake it one morning recently when I opened for the day.
Nestle Toll House Cafe by Chip at Oak Park MallSo there it is! in all it’s glory. I know the lights aren’t on, but I mean I just arrived there and didn’t turn on any lights or have any cookies in the cabinet yet. Heck, I hadn’t even started the oven to begin baking yet! Anyway, so that same day I decided that since I was already taking a photo of the store from the cookie side of things maybe I should actually take a photo of the ice cream (Haagen-Dazs) side before that gets its remodel, too! So you can sort of see the ice cream cone in the upper left portion of the above photo. That’s the ice cream side. I actually came from that direction, but didn’t think of taking a photo until just before stepping inside the store (next to the Icee Bear on the right).

Anyway, here’s the photo of the Haagen-Dazs (ice cream side) as it is now (prior to remodel which is slated to take placeΒ very soon!Haagen-Dazs Shop at Oak Park Mall (prior to remodel)

There are matching ice cream cones on either side, but I couldn’t get both in the photo for some bizarre reason. Normally there are also cone displays/holders (you can sort of see them in the Nestle photo near the Icee Bear on the right) on top of the ice cream cabinets as well as clear, plastic glasses to show sizes of our milkshakes and smoothies as well as two ice cream cups to show our sizes. There is also a banner holder that sits to the left near the cone on that side that displays the current promo (which right now is some non-dairy frozen desserts that Haagen-Dazs has just released; there’s also a banner for our current cookie promo (“Buy 5 and Get 2 [of Equal or Lesser Value] Free”) on the right. Also there is usually a tip jar on the sneeze guard over the register on the ice cream side.

Well, now you know where I work and why I am constantly complaining. πŸ˜‰ Not much else I guess to report for this time, but that’s enough as I have already overstayed my initial 10 minutes and I still have “stuff” to do tonight. (I forget where I heard this before, but I’ll quote it none the less; “Stuff is a technical word…”)

I’ll try to write more this week as I have fewer hours at work due to Steven’s birthday on Saturday and I gave 5 of my hours to my assistant manager (whose name by the way is Seyrra) because she too will be off Saturday and I didn’t really want my hours as I still have to get some presents for Steven! 😳

So with all that being said, I think I’ll sign off tonight and try to get back to you all by Tuesday or so.

Love and prayers, as always! ❀

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