Recently someone told me they were going on a min-vacation before the holidays start. I feel happy for them and yet at the same time find myself saying/thinking, “Must be nice.” I don’t have a lot of time or extra money to put towards such niceties and wish I did. I do my best to keep a budget and make sure some fun and games are had, but overall I have to just keep working and watch as others enjoy vacations, new clothes, a new car, or a day off work in general. I’m never able to enjoy things like that; I can’t remember the last time I actually had something new. The last new item I remember was my plush doll that I bought myself as a Christmas present last year and let Steven give me.
I can’t really enjoy things like this because I don’t often have the money. In my opinion, I barely make enough to cover the expenses I have for necessities (e.g., monthly health insurance premiums, food for lunch, prescription medicines, etc.). When I do treat others or myself it’s because of a birthday or to celebrate a successful outcome (e.g., I had a secret shopper at work give me a 94% out 100% on my performance). My gifts are usually second-hand, i.e., I get them from consignment shops. If I don’t get them second-hand, I buy them on sale at a steep discount (50-75% off) or I make them.
I often find myself thinking about the niceties around this time of year; people are just starting to think about the winter holidays and planning times to get together with their family and friends. Me? I’m thinking about my upcoming doctor’s appointment (which I’m dreading), how I’ll afford Christmas gifts this year, all the added stress at work (more customers and special orders), finding new health insurance for Steven and me again (our current ones won’t be offered again next year), and trying again to pay off my credit card (already had to put 3 more charges on it today alone).
Remember me as you start planning your pre-holiday vacations and start looking at your holiday budgets; I’ll just be here in my second-hand clothes and eating on some ramen noodles (despite it being bad for me it’s all I can usually afford) while surfing the web on some outdated technology wondering how I’ll be able to keep myself (and my family) afloat with my ever-growing credit card bill (hopefully able to find some health insurance, too).
Love and prayers, as always (’cause we all know how much I need them now). ❤