It’s Been too Long

It’s been too long since I updated here and I’m sorry! It started with having to cover a few extra shifts and being stressed about my diabetic appointment. I’m ending it now and reporting on everything I can remember that’s happened since my appointment. Please bear with me if I forget something and I’ll do my best to report on it if I remember or if one of you reminds me.

So my appointment went smoothly (more or less). I weighed in a bit on the heavier side, but I figured I would. My blood pressure was a bit high, too. I’m beginning to expect that as high blood pressure runs in the family. My blood glucose/sugar was a bit high, too. We, the doctor and I, concluded that I would be put on a different medication so my insurance wouldn’t make me pay some astronomical price. I just picked up that medicine today!

Steven has a doctor’s appointment this Wednesday and he’s nervous because he knows things haven’t gone very smoothly for him either. He’s also upset because he has to drive himself. I can’t as I have to work (even so I’d probably be a bit nervous because I’d have to either take the stairs by myself or ride an elevator and neither one is appealing to me).

Mom’s eye appointments haven’t gone very smoothly either. She has to go to the hospital for an extra exam on Friday. Again, I can’t take her (Steven will be taking her). She’s nervous as all get out! I ask that you pray for both of them (and myself) as we venture onward with our health issues.

I’m still leading and actually have found ways to make myself feel better. For whatever reason leading became a challenge lately and I don’t know why. I love to lead, so why I was challenged lately really makes no sense to me at the moment. I’m sure it was the devil playing his games again and trying to make me feel horrible! Well, it’s not going to work any more!!

We had a horrible storm a couple of nights ago now and finally just got power restored after a day and a half! I would have been fine, but it’s been so dang hot lately I can’t tolerate the heat much.

We’ve had one Mass with our new parochial vicar (I think I said this already). I think I’m going to like him. If I’ve said this already, which I am 99.99999% sure I have, I’ll just link to it somewhere in this paragraph.

I also managed to get the Secret Shopper at work and score 94% with them! Yay! I was so thrilled and pretty sure I actually had them as a secret shopper anyway because of how they acted and some of what they asked me. Very rewarding!

Not much else I can think of now. If there’s more I’ll write later, when I can, and hopefully it won’t be quite so long this time! 😉

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

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I Have a Name

I don’t like posting things about work much on here any more, but I want to post a little today about something that happened near the end of my shift mostly because it hurts and I’m sure others can relate. I also am hoping that by posting this if you are one to do the action I’m about to relay to you, you’ll stop because it does hurt the victim (and no, I won’t use another word because you are really victimizing or objectifying the person).

Near the end of my shift today one of the two co-workers I mentioned last entry, came in to work and asked our manager (and keep in mind we were all relatively close by each other so my co-worker could have asked me), “What is she doing?” and gestured towards me. My manager explained what I was doing and then proceeded to explain more about other things that my co-worker needed to know (most of which, since it didn’t involve me, I tuned out). I actually felt like interjecting and saying to my co-worker, “I have a name! My name is Christy; we’ve worked together for almost three years!” I didn’t say anything because I prefer to keep the peace and not cause any more drama than is already present; I also try to lead by example rather than aggravate others or ruffle any more feathers, as I like to say.

In conclusion, I’d just like to summarize that words can and do hurt. I really hope that the next time someone (or if it’s you) decide to not address someone by name (unless you really don’t know them or know if they speak your language) you will think twice (or more) because it hurts when people don’t use your name. I could just as easily do some real damage to my co-worker, but two wrongs never make a right. Two lefts make a right, though. 😉 In all seriousness, though, please realize that everyone has feelings, not just yourself. Okay, I’m done here!

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

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A Time for Healing

Yesterday at Mass I was so moved with the Spirit that I cried. It is a time for healing. My time for healing. I now would have so loved to have gone to Confession/Reconciliation/Penance. I will still (maybe) try to go some time this week if I remember or my schedule allows me. I don’t wish to divulge why I feel the need, but I will ask that you all pray for me for my undisclosed reason for healing and more (which I’ll get to later in this entry).

At Mass last night our new associate pastor/parochial vicar was the celebrant. Even with as long-winded as he is/was and his broken English (English is not his first language, Spanish is), I heard something speak to me. He explained how it’s hard to be happy all the time and none of us are perfect; yet, despite our human condition and inability to be good all the time, Jesus loves us and is ready to help us. When we feel like giving up, He is there; when we feel unloved, Jesus is there ready to embrace us and welcome us home again. I cried bitterly. I knew exactly what our Father Juan (our new associate pastor/parochial vicar) was talking about and what it feels like. Finally! Someone understands; someone gets what I’m living through and have lived through! I thought and tears streamed down my face. I can understand now more fully why I needed to attend Mass despite feeling fatigued and pained (physically, psychologically, and emotionally). I still need prayers for that and for another form of healing.

This coming Thursday (four days from now) at 8:45 a.m. CDT, I am going to a new endocrinologist for my second biannual exam. I’m not looking forward to it (am I ever looking forward to my endocrinology appointments any more?! I don’t think so; anyway…) mainly because this time I know my numbers (A1C, blood pressure, weight, etc.) are not as great as they should be, it’s a new doctor, I have to put up with closed doors (and explain why I want the door cracked at the very least), and who knows what else (probably blood work). I should just accept the fact I’m never getting better from being diabetic, but I hate that because I’ve been trying to prove people wrong (it seems to be what I do a lot in life and not just with health issues). I’ve been trying to prove people wrong that say once you’re diabetic, you’re diabetic for life! I will do this! I believe I can! So this is why I am asking for another set of prayers for healing. Help me to heal myself (maybe with the aid of this new endocrinologist) of all my physical health problems (diabetes, blood pressure, et. al.)!

This week will be a time of healing; I’m also hurting because I’ve learned two of my co-workers don’t really like me for some reason (not that I was looking for their approval anyway :/ ) ; two other co-workers thought they could do what I usually do without my help and didn’t want me helping them because “you do everything!” as one put it. 🙄 I roll my eyes because, of course I “do everything” that’s what a shift leader does! That is what any leader does! I guess then you can see why now is a time of healing. I’m ready to be healed and move forward in whatever direction God is calling me. I’ve still been unable to hear what it is in particular He wants of me, but I’m still trying. Still listening.

I’ll fill you all in when I can about my appointment and everything else. Just pray for me for healing of all kinds and I’ll report in again soon! 🙂

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

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Tired White Rabbit

White Rabbit!

It has been a while since I’ve been here and sorry! I have been working more than I thought I would and have been trying to get some boxes and other material cleaned out from our Family/Recreation Room. I’ve been reliving some of those moments and realizing just how hard life had and has been on me (and my family).

I also realized that tonight while at Mass. I had difficulty singing more songs than normal tonight. I think I was only able to sing the processional and recessional songs. Most of the others were hard because they talk about being Christ to one another and how Christ welcomes all who welcome Him or “the least ones.” I do this constantly and am always amazed by how I feel later…quite peaceful if I do say so myself.

Anyway, I wish I could go into more detail but if I do I’ll have a very wet desk and won’t be able to finish everything else I have to do. I’ll do my best to write tomorrow night, but time will only tell how that will pan out, too! :-/ Sorry!

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

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Best of Luck, Father Saiki

Today was Fr. Saiki’s last Sunday Mass at my parish. While I am happy he will be furthering his studies and wasn’t always thrilled to hear what he had to say in his homilies, it’s sort of like a theology professor or two I had sometimes talking or tough love, I must admit (as I did to him) it was this that brought me back to some of my core beliefs as a Catholic.

I learned a great deal of teachings that I never would have otherwise learned. He made me question why I believed what I do and did. Fr. Saiki is one of those priests that actually tried to tie everything back together in the end and make it all in one pretty package. I found him very motivational and inspirational. I will really miss him on Saturday evenings for Mass.

As I always say when I have to part ways with someone, “If it’s meant to be we’ll meet again; God always finds a way.” I believe it to be true, too! God puts people in our lives and takes them away when the lesson is complete; it is then up to us to put that lesson into practice. We are all teachers and learners to someone.

So, as I end this entry, and hope that Fr. Saiki will find this blog one day, I will end it with how I began it (as I learned from him); I am happy you will be furthering your studies and pray you will have much success in the future. Best of luck, Fr. Saiki! 🙂

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

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Sometimes Words Don’t Come

Sometimes words don’t come. Sometimes words are hard to express. I have difficulties with oral words more than written, and other days it’s the other way around.

Words don’t come naturally to me when I try to speak. I wish I could explain why, but the closest I’ve ever come to explaining this strange phenomenon to others is simply I don’t like being put on the spot and oral words expect you to do just that. You have to be spontaneous and speak in an ad hoc manner. I am great at ad lib or extemporaneous joking and acting, but trying to give a speech is different. I always fear someone will misunderstand what I’m trying to say or it doesn’t come out as great as it did in my head. I wish people could see the images in my head when I try to converse with them.

Often my images in my head come out better than the words I’m trying to say. It would sure be nice to take a photo or make a painting of these images so as to express my words without words. :-/ Does that make sense?! 😆 I think I just bungled my words again!

I’m sure by now you’re probably thinking, This girl isn’t making any sense today! What is it she’s trying to get at? I think she’s just speaking nonsense like that other time. I have news for you; I wasn’t trying to make nonsense this time. I actually was trying to be coherent, but because words haven’t been my friend today I don’t think I’m doing a good job at it. Maybe I just proved my point from my title; sometimes words don’t come.

If you must know there is two underlying reasons for this entry. One was simply because I realized just how hard it was for me to come up with words while at work today; the other reason was I hadn’t written in a while and I felt you all deserved an entry. My problem with both was words weren’t coming to me as I had hoped they would. I guess a third reason, which really is subconscious until I just thought of it now, is that I know I want to converse with a really good friend of mine soon. I don’t know when I’ll get to it, but I know he’ll be around next week and maybe I can talk to him at that point. Who knows!

Well, that’s all I have for this time. I’ll try to write more and update you all on getting together with my friend, but time will only tell when I’ll get to that, and anything else that comes up along the way! 🙂

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

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Is This the Way the Story Goes?

I’ve always thought of my life, and that of others, as a story. More appropriately, I’ve thought of it as a play or a movie; things are somewhat scripted, but mostly the actors and actresses can ad lib whatever they feel is appropriate in any given scene or situation. The cast grows larger and larger as the story (or life) becomes longer and longer. Actors and actresses (people we encounter in our lives) exit and enter at seemingly random times; perhaps they’re more supporting actors or actresses. Maybe they’re extras, the people in the background, and have very little interaction with us. Perhaps the supporting actors or actresses take on a bigger role and become co-stars.

So today, my story is a big bundle of emotions. As the star and director of my own play or movie, I should be able to figure out what to do next. Sadly, I do not. I’m not sure if this is the way the story goes. I’m lost right now. Perhaps I’ll have to study the script more. I think I’ll have to consult the producer (God) and see what He has in mind. I’m not sure any more.

For now, let’s take five! 😉

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

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Will You Lead Today?

Yesterday I was asked by a co-worker if I could lead so she could rest up and get rid of a headache. Sure she was still at work and made it through her shift just fine, but she really didn’t “feel like being a leader” that day. Being a shift leader at work means lots of things aside from the normal leader duties there’s also baking to be done, change to be made for bills, and resolving the occasional dispute between customers and my co-workers.

I told my co-worker/friend, I really didn’t mind leading. In fact most (if not all) days I’d rather be the leader. I don’t like having my hands tied and unable to do something. I just want to lead and help others find their way or share my bit of advice here and there.

Will I lead today? Sure! Will I lead tomorrow? You betcha! Will I lead next week? Without a doubt! Will I lead next month? Most likely! Will I lead next year? You can bet on it! Long story short, given any situation almost 9 times out of 10 I would rather lead than follow. It’s just who I am. I’m a leader; watch me lead! 😀

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

(PS Sorry for the short entry; I’m kind of tired today and now it’s my turn with a headache. :-/ )

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Prayerful Ride to Work

Today I rode to work mostly in silence except for a CD I played in my car that I normally only play when things are not going quite as I planned. The CD is actually now playing in my stereo (yes, I’m back in my bedroom typing entries to you all again, but that’s for another entry). The CD is I’ll Lead You Home by Michael W. Smith which I received this CD from my best friend in high school for an Easter gift one year, but eventually bought my own, new copy a few years later to make sure I had the lyrics to all the songs and a case to put the CD in when I wasn’t playing it.

Anyway, as I listened to it I was in prayer. I have had my share of ups and downs lately. I’ve been emotional and pretty much ready to start over with some areas of my life. After the 10-15 minute drive to work I decided it was best to just offer today up and let God do whatever God wanted with my life today. I think it’s safe to say, I’m not happy with myself for the last 10-15 minutes of my shift (maybe less). I practically snapped at a customer and was fairly snarky with her. I think I’ve been working here too long because I practically jumped down her throat trying to explain why Haagen-Dazs ice cream is much better than Baskin Robins and why a $5 ice cream from Haagen-Dazs is better than buying $5 worth of ice cream elsewhere.

On my way home, I listened to the CD again. I also talked with Mom via speaker phone. I don’t usually endorse talking on the phone while driving, but for me putting her on speaker phone helps. It makes me feel like she’s right there with me. I talked with her about my day and what I did after work (not sharing that in this blog, sorry). I told her I didn’t want her to worry about me; everything will hopefully sort itself out soon and in the long-term I will be happier (I hope).

So that’s my day, my ride do and from work was a prayerful one even if it wasn’t as great as I would have like it to be. My day at work was crummy (to put it politely) and I’m just so annoyed as of late. Please help me by praying things will soon be better for me and I’ll be sure to keep you all up to date on how things are progressing. 🙂 Thanks in advance!

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

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Renewed, Rekindled, Remembered

Forgive me for not posting my usual post on the first. This past week has been a challenge on me in many ways I had not been expecting. I do not wish to divulge everything here for many reasons and I do not wish to get into those reasons either. I will write a little bit here and there about some other things that have been on my mind this past week and ending with today.

So last week while my general manager was away at her brother’s wedding another shift leader and I tag-teamed the duties that were normally on the general manger’s agenda/plate. I learned a lot about myself then. I have truly grown as a leader and person in general. I learned that it isn’t easy to reprimand a fellow employee when you have no idea what may or may not have happened. You have to realize that almost always the customer is right. It stings and, in my honest and humble opinion, it sucks! Customers can be down right jerks sometimes and just want the employee to be in trouble for some reason or another. At any rate, I had no choice but to talk with my employee and I wasn’t the only one to talk with him. My other shift leader talked with him as well. I even had learned that I am fairly strong both physically and psychologically.

I had to take care of shipments that came to the store this past week and the week before this. I put away the dry goods and refrigerated/freezer goods. I found out I could lift up to 45 pounds before struggling. While it may not seem like much, I must inform you that for a long time I couldn’t even lift 10 pounds without struggling. I am getting my strength back slowly but surely. Maybe I’ll finally be back to my capacity of lifting up to 75 pounds. I could never lift more than that and I don’t want to strain myself by forcing myself to do more than that or even trying to lift more than 45 at the moment. So I’ve renewed my commitment to being a leader and training myself to be stronger. (I don’t want to get into my psychological strength at the moment.)

I went to the cemeteries this past week to pay my respects to my family members and to “visit” Daddy. I didn’t want to stay as long this time with him, but I felt he knows what’s been going on and there was no need to re-explain all this to him again. I feel he was actually laughing and carrying on a conversation in my heart and soul the whole time I was there with Mom. So I remembered my family members and rekindled a relationship with a family friend (and former pastor) who was at one of the cemeteries.

Lastly, I went to Mass last night all tired and worn out from a long two weeks of work and very hungry as I had eaten very little all day (no, I don’t want to talk about why I ate so little either). I had expected to hear another humdrum homily from Fr. Mike (our pastor) or a lengthy and spiritual monologue by our parochial vicar Fr. Saiki. Neither was the case. As it was the vocational director came by to celebrate Mass. I was actually quite entranced by this homily of his. He walked back and forth in front of the altar talking with us and explaining in simple terms what Pentecost means and the Holy Spirit’s role. I was renewed and felt my soul revived; I remembered then what it was that made me so happy way back when to be Catholic. I also realized it was that same reason why I was so invigorated when I found Thayne’s sermons online. When someone speaks in a profound and simple manner, I understand; I become inflamed with the gift of the Spirit to share my love of God and Jesus with others. I actually understand! I want to spread this Word with others! (Perhaps this is what I miss and why I am finding myself less and less attracted to things of the Catholic world as a whole.)

Anyway, I just wanted to share this with all of you and remind you, I’m still here. We’re still traveling this road, this journey of life, together! I’m still here and hopefully we are going to see some positive changes coming our way soon. God only knows how much we all need it and who can help us find our way again! Here’s a hint, God knows and will help us! ❤ 🙂

Love and prayers, as always! ❤

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