Yesterday at Mass I was so moved with the Spirit that I cried. It is a time for healing. My time for healing. I now would have so loved to have gone to Confession/Reconciliation/Penance. I will still (maybe) try to go some time this week if I remember or my schedule allows me. I don’t wish to divulge why I feel the need, but I will ask that you all pray for me for my undisclosed reason for healing and more (which I’ll get to later in this entry).
At Mass last night our new associate pastor/parochial vicar was the celebrant. Even with as long-winded as he is/was and his broken English (English is not his first language, Spanish is), I heard something speak to me. He explained how it’s hard to be happy all the time and none of us are perfect; yet, despite our human condition and inability to be good all the time, Jesus loves us and is ready to help us. When we feel like giving up, He is there; when we feel unloved, Jesus is there ready to embrace us and welcome us home again. I cried bitterly. I knew exactly what our Father Juan (our new associate pastor/parochial vicar) was talking about and what it feels like. Finally! Someone understands; someone gets what I’m living through and have lived through! I thought and tears streamed down my face. I can understand now more fully why I needed to attend Mass despite feeling fatigued and pained (physically, psychologically, and emotionally). I still need prayers for that and for another form of healing.
This coming Thursday (four days from now) at 8:45 a.m. CDT, I am going to a new endocrinologist for my second biannual exam. I’m not looking forward to it (am I ever looking forward to my endocrinology appointments any more?! I don’t think so; anyway…) mainly because this time I know my numbers (A1C, blood pressure, weight, etc.) are not as great as they should be, it’s a new doctor, I have to put up with closed doors (and explain why I want the door cracked at the very least), and who knows what else (probably blood work). I should just accept the fact I’m never getting better from being diabetic, but I hate that because I’ve been trying to prove people wrong (it seems to be what I do a lot in life and not just with health issues). I’ve been trying to prove people wrong that say once you’re diabetic, you’re diabetic for life! I will do this! I believe I can! So this is why I am asking for another set of prayers for healing. Help me to heal myself (maybe with the aid of this new endocrinologist) of all my physical health problems (diabetes, blood pressure, et. al.)!
This week will be a time of healing; I’m also hurting because I’ve learned two of my co-workers don’t really like me for some reason (not that I was looking for their approval anyway ) ; two other co-workers thought they could do what I usually do without my help and didn’t want me helping them because “you do everything!” as one put it. 🙄 I roll my eyes because, of course I “do everything” that’s what a shift leader does! That is what any leader does! I guess then you can see why now is a time of healing. I’m ready to be healed and move forward in whatever direction God is calling me. I’ve still been unable to hear what it is in particular He wants of me, but I’m still trying. Still listening.
I’ll fill you all in when I can about my appointment and everything else. Just pray for me for healing of all kinds and I’ll report in again soon! 🙂
Love and prayers, as always! ❤