Ten years is a long time to miss someone; 10 years, a decade, is a long time to mourn the loss of someone. I have been in mourning for 10 years over Daddy’s death. Daddy is (because in my eyes he still is even if he’s not physically here any more) my perfect role model in my life! I haven’t found anyone any closer to who I would like to be than him; I’ve found people who are close (you can find them in my father figures and leader role model entries; search for those terms and I’m sure you’ll find them all), but none are as perfect as him. Daddy, Steven, and Thayne are my top three, but Daddy will always be first!
Today marks a decade since Daddy has been gone. He left this earth at about 6:00 a.m. 10 years ago today. I have been mourning his death ever since. Not a day goes by when I don’t consciously think about him. I kept waiting for him to enter the door and say, “I’m not dead; I’m here now! We don’t have to worry any more! Everything is going to be fine!” I’ve waited and longed for that day. Finally, I feel, I am ready. I am ready to close this chapter of my life.
Today I am going to finally stop living in denial. I am going to finally move forward. I have finally learned to accept Daddy won’t be entering that door. It’s time for me to step up and be the leader. I am ready, I hope, to move forward!
I know I will still miss Daddy dearly and look at his photos often. I will also remember the wonderful times we spent together; our jokes we shared; his inspiration; his skills he passed on to me (such as how to stay calm at work and when dealing with Mom, and other difficult people); and so much more! I can’t say I won’t stop thinking about him, but perhaps I will finally be able to grow and become who I am truly meant to be and stop obsessing over him. Daddy wouldn’t want me to be sad or to obsess constantly over him. It will be hard, but perhaps it’s time. Yes, maybe it is!
One last entry will be about him and that will be in about 5 days (May 21); it will mark the 10-year anniversary of his wake and the following day (his funeral/burial). That doesn’t mean I won’t talk about him off and on; au contraire, I will merely speak of him to honor him and hopefully not to obsess over him. ❤
Love and prayers, as always! ❤