Well, yesterday was “fun!” I spent most of my late afternoon and early evening in the ER. I was really trying to be helpful at home. Mom needed some help cutting some brownies she made and I offered to help, however, these brownies were stubborn and refused to easily come out of the pan! 😡 I thought it would be a great idea then to put all my strength into prying on a knife and hold the pan on the opposite side. 😐 I now hear myself saying, What made you think that was a great idea?! Sadly, the knife slipped up and cut my left palm of my hand. 😯 I dropped the knife and rushed to the sink to wash the cut and blood from the palm of my hand! I remembered in my First Aid merit badge from Junior Girl Scouts (Girl Guides) to apply pressure and raise it above my head (at least above my heart). I did get it to slow to trickle, but I had to rush to the bathroom to grab a band-aid. So with my hand wrapped in a very bloody paper towel, I ran to the master bathroom and hurried to put an extra-large band-aid on my hand. Eventually, I came to my senses and told Mom we’d probably better get me to the ER and have them look at it to determine if I needed stitches. After waiting for nearly 2 hours I decided to just “refuse treatment” and sign a form stating that I was leaving and didn’t want to receive treatment. The nurse at the front desk informed me that I could not get stitches if I waited over 12 hours from the incident. I’m sure I rolled my eyes when I said it was fine and that Mom would have to remind me if I said I wanted to go somewhere to get them. The nurse also reminded me that they’d “be happy to help [me] if [I] decide to return.” I didn’t think I would be back unless the cut burst open again.
By bedtime I was still semi-wound up about refusing treatment for my hand and eventually drifted off to sleep, but it was a restless night in that I had nightmares about needing to have my hand amputated because I refused treatment and it became infected. 😥 Horrible! Horrible nightmares! I also had nightmares that the doctor refused to give me stitches because, “[my] blood sugar is too high!” Again horrible, horrible nightmares!
Morning eventually came and I awoke at about 7:30-7:45. My hand was feeling mostly better, but I still felt like I had popped my knuckles and smacked my hand against a wall. This was actually better than the day before when it was just hurting so bad and I was almost near tears and could see blood oozing from behind the band-aid. Today there was only a little blood on the edges of the band-aid. Eventually, at Steven’s advice, I had Mom buy me some liquid band-aid solution. I’m currently on my 3rd layer of it. I can also see now the cut (or as the ER nurse put it: laceration) is no bigger than a fourth an inch if even that. It also only looks like a red crease on my palm.
I have to wonder, back to my high school days, if I had said back then that I had great joy seeing blood rush from a wound or even feeling a great release when I would cut myself how on earth did I ever survive that, but this cut and sight of this much blood that landed in the palm of my hand yesterday make me so squeamish and distraught? I don’t have an explanation for it! I do know this much, I will never ever purposely hurt myself again! (And before any of my extended family contacts me, PLEASE do NOT tell me I should have gone for help or even thought that this would have ever been a good idea! I know better now and even then, I did get help. I went to a psychiatrist back then and he helped a great deal; that is why I am here today typing these words to you!)
So today is a day of healing. I’m healing from my physical wound and emotional turmoil from yesterday and last night. I hope to be fine in no time and soon be able to laugh about it. I also went to an eye doctor today (a new one) and learned that my eyesight hasn’t changed since last year. I also have finally found one that actually can understand my reasoning for keeping a door ajar while having an exam and enabling me to not panic. I hate being claustrophobic, but, for now, that is something I will just have to live with and learn how to overcome it eventually! I’ve also spent today working on typing more of my story into the laptop; that’s been healing, too! Personal healing; emotional healing; psychological healing! ❤
Well, I think I’ve written enough to more than make up for the fact I haven’t written in so long. I’m sorry things are slow around here and I don’t have time to write or have much to actually write about; I guess it’s better that way, but I hate to lose all of you, my fellow travelers, knowing that you probably depend as much on my entries for reading them as I do writing them. 🙂 So I guess that’s it for now!
Love and prayers, as always! ❤