As I’m sitting here in my bedroom trying to type this entry and work on my evening routine, Steven is in the recreation/family room yelling at a game that I’ve all but given up on. The game? Splatoon. I stopped playing this game for the very reason that it’s so stressful. You play online with various other people around the world and that creates lag and can also have people who are very bad sports. Both of those combined make for terrible game play and makes people (like Steven) yell, toss controllers, and who knows what else. I grew attached to the fictional character I created (I called her Luna), but because people do those things I mentioned before, I cannot find a good reason to keep playing.
Every time Steven yells or tosses his controller I jump, recoil, and fight back tears. Yelling is one of those things I have grown to fear quite a bit. I also have an interesting definition of yelling. For most people yelling is raising one’s voice above a normal level, but for me there’s more to it. It’s also a firm, corrective, and often intense voice that almost always is criticizing. I’ve heard “yelling” most of my life and it still scares me and makes me defensive both in action and words.
Please don’t yell at me. Please don’t yell, period. It hurts me in many ways and I do not wish to explain my whole back story on it, but it is so negative it’s hard to even have me yell at a sporting event and cheer for my team. I don’t even tend to yell at people when I am angry at them. It takes a lot to make me angry and when I do, I often am not yelling in the sense of raising my voice. I often am “yelling” at them using my definition of yelling (i.e., firm, corrective, intense voice).
If I am in need of correction, or have to correct someone myself, I prefer to try to show and explain that way. I rarely have had to yell or “yell” at someone. I think I’ve only lost my temper a few times in recent memory. Most recently was this morning, and again I don’t feel like getting into it.
Anyway, please don’t yell at me. Please don’t be mad at me. I only want what’s for the best. Yelling never solves anything. (I think my manager just recently told me that. Hmm.) Well, I’d best sign off for now as I’m starting to get a headache from listening to Steven (even though he’s stopped now) and all the emotional trauma I put myself through explaining why I don’t yell or “yell.”
God, give us enough patience to deal with others even when they might make us want to yell or “yell.” Help me to understand the difference and to be able to cheer loudly with my fellow fans of teams without feeling like I’m “yelling.” Amen!
Love and prayers, as always! ❤