Earlier today I checked out my activity feed on miiverse and came across a post that really hit home to me. That was Steven’s post, my brother Steven! I wasn’t sure if I should say anything or even make this post to my blog seeing as how some of my family subscribes to this blog and comments back via email to me some times. Usually I get snide remarks or what feel hurtful to me. I can’t even say that I’m getting Steven a drink on my way home from work or when I’m out without someone thinking that he should be able to get it or why couldn’t he get it himself. Sometimes it’s just plain hurtful when people don’t realize just how close we are and don’t understand.
Anyway, the main point of this blog entry today was to explain that I miss Steven, too. I miss the times we used to be so carefree and not have to do so many “adult activities” and I don’t mean that in the sense that they’re like rated-M or rated-X (as I heard a lot growing up). No, I mean things like working about 35 hours or more a week, paying bills, not having time to just “goof off” or play games. Heck, I don’t even remember the last time I could just laugh and carry on with him! My fictional-self seems to even miss me per se. It’s kind of bad when you have no time to play around or even work on things that you once found as fun. Maybe this is why I’m seeing more grey hairs or my blood sugar/glucose not being happy as of late. I’m not happy!
I had a dream earlier this morning (before I woke up) where I was trying to find a way to make things work again and to discover something about me through books in a library. Unfortunately, all I managed to do was get myself into trouble with my teacher (yeah, must’ve been a time travel dream) for talking in a library or doing some sort of interpretive dancing routine to represent my inward feelings instead of the dance routine I was supposed to be doing.
I miss me. I miss the me no one else sees. I miss the me that only Steven knows about and who she is. I miss the me that used to be so carefree and full of laughter. I miss the me who could do what she wanted without fear of rejections or repercussions. I miss Steven, too.
I miss Steven playing games with me. I miss Steven’s laughter. I miss Steven’s smile and hugs. I miss Steven for who he is when no one else sees him. I miss Steven who used to be carefree and full of laughter. I miss Steven who didn’t have to take care of everything that goes on at home while I’m at work. I miss us!
Maybe next week, with my birthday falling on a Monday this year, I will have some time to be with him and my hidden me. It would be nice to finally enjoy a little time together and just be me and just enjoy the moment with Steven (and Mom).
Love and prayers, as always! ❤