I Can’t Find My Rainbow!

It seems the more I turn around and look at life, the less likely I feel I will find my rainbow. I’m faking my happiness right now and it’s a bit hard. No, I’m not depressed nor am I suicidal. I guess it’s just all the things that have transpired over the last few weeks have started taking their toll on me and now I’m wondering what will happen. I’m also too afraid to stand up for Daniel lately.

You see today at work some people are quite glad he’s gone and are beginning to bad mouth him. He’s not a bad person really. I have realized and become more familiar with Daniel over the past (approximately) 9 months or so and it’s hard to hear people talk bad about him considering that he was one of the best employees this place has ever seen. He was definitely the best friend I ever had.

One person said today they were really glad he was gone and how much of a jerk he was. I can only presume the reason that person said this is because when Daniel first came aboard he made it clear that he was not going to be “all fun and games” instead he was going “to be a very hard worker, and if you can’t stand that you will never get along with me!” I was glad to hear someone else was going to finally be putting in as much (if not more) hard work as I do! To Daniel, hard work always comes first; play is your reward if you work hard. Someone else today was saying how they always did their best to help him and be there for him, but that he was just a spoiled brat. I didn’t find him spoiled at all. He worked hard for what he did and earned his place among the hardest workers here!

All the while, I could not find myself to say anything in his defense. My heart ached and I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t muster up any courage to say something. Why? Why do people criticize so much? Why couldn’t I stand up? I’m sure he would have stood up for me! It’s not fair and too much rain has fallen in this little world of mine as of late.

Every time it rains, there’s supposed to be a rainbow somewhere. But, where’s mine?! I can’t find my rainbow! Maybe one day I will. It would be so nice to see Daniel again, but I know he’s not coming back.

Am I obsessing over him? Am I obsessing over this whole thing? I try not to, but it’s hard. As I said, he was the only real friend I found over the course of about a year. He was someone who finally understood everything about me, accepted me (faults and all), and he always had a warm hug to welcome you or to encourage you onwards! Daniel, I’ll never forget you! I will make you proud! One day we will somehow find our way back together if it was meant to be and I will show you that I will have indeed found my dream job (and only you know what my dream job is) I will find a way to show you I can do it!

Here are some final lyrics on this topic and I’ll try not to bring it up again.

So long, old friend…I wish that I could see you once again…I never knew the time would come when I’d be losing you…I hope you know I never meant to treat you badly…and now I know just what a friend like you is for…I never thought that it would end so sadly, and you’d be walking through that door…

So long, old friend…I wish that I could see you once again…I never knew the time would come when I’d be losing you…I always thought our fun and games would just go on and on…I never knew I’d have to say sooooo long…

I never knew I’d have to say sooooo long…

“So Long Old Friend” Desiree Goyette, 1982

Into each life some rain must fall
But too much is fallin’ in mine
Into each heart some tears must fall
But some day the sun will shine

Some folks can lose the blues in their hearts
But when I think of you, another shower starts
Into each life some rain must fall
But too much is fallin’ in mine

Into each life some rain must fall
But too much, too much is fallin’ in mine
Into each heart some tears must fall
But some day the sun will shine

Some folks can lose the blues in their hearts
But when I think of you, another shower starts
Into each life some rain must fall
But too much is fallin’ in mine

Into each and every life some rain has got to fall
But too much of that stuff is fallin’ into mine
And into each heart some tears gotta fall
And I know that someday that sun is bound to shine

Some folks can lose the blues in their hearts
But when I think of you, another shower starts
Into each life some rain must fall
But too much is fallin’ in mine

“Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall” Ella Fitzgerald, 1944

God, bless us — everyone!

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About Christy

I enjoy: my family, my faith life, photography, drawing; writing, working on cars, basketball, football, and baseball. These are just a few of the many things I like...you'll just have to read my blog to know me better to know more of them. Other things you may not catch on that I enjoy are: cats, angels, ballroom dancing, Christian music, camping (being one with nature and all of God's creations), traveling, cherry and apple blossoms, and the colors blue (in all shades), white, black, dark purple, and SOME shades of pink. (Rainbows are cool, too. And I'm NOT a lesbian! Although, I'm friends with some gays and lesbians as well as a few transgenders.) I am Roman Catholic. I graduated from Johnson County Community College, where I majored in Animation in hopes of fulfilling my dreams of being a computer generated animation movie maker. I also have a degree in Corporate Communication from Avila University. I'm currently employed at Nestle Toll House/Haagen-Dazs (at Oak Park Mall in Overland Park), I own my own business -- C & S Productions, L.L.C. (check it out at http://www.csproductionsllc.com), and am single. My favorite time of year is Winter and the Christmas season! It's just so...well, I can't put it into words. ^_^ Lastly, I am 36 years young!
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