It’s Not Easy to Be Me

I know that this song was originally put to video with Superman, but lately I’m feeling it seems to be my theme song! I don’t know exactly how to explain it, but here’s the gist of it and I’m also sorry if it seems like I am being a bit of a pain (it’s just that’s how life’s been treating me as of late).

I’ve been trying to be strong for everyone. I’ve been trying to keep things grounded while others go about their daily lives and tell me that they’re the ones who are the pain and I can’t stand to listen to everyone tell me this and that about their lives (in other words, all their problems and pains). I don’t mean to be rude and selfish, but I’m wanting everything to just calm down so I can take a breath. I am trying to find a decent job so that we won’t be worrying about our income and financial status as of late. Our company hasn’t done well at all! We haven’t sold a blasted model yet and I’m beginning to become more than a little upset with people who say they want one, but the price is too high or that they just need a little time! Look, people, if you can afford to treat yourself and/or your family to a theme park, a large stuffed animal, or a dinner, you cannot tell me that money is too tight! Those things that I mentioned are things that you can always get, but should cut back on when the economy seems to be down (which it still is)! But a friend wants support in her company and you just shove her off and knock her down saying, “I’m sorry, but you’re just charging a bit too much for me to afford one right now.” Well, I’m sorry but I’m not lowering my prices to FREE just so you can have one!

On with family, I’m not saying that you are a pain because you need/want me to drive you around everywhere! I don’t mind that! What I do mind is you telling me (and maybe others for all I know) that you’re just a pain and that you’re sorry to have put me through all this and if only you could drive you’d take yourself. It’s not that! I love to drive! I really do, but I don’t like people trying to tell me that they are sorry to cause me so much trouble and that I’m saying they’re trouble. The more you say you are trouble the more I’m going to probably start thinking that!

I can’t cry because it seems I’m the only strong one left. Everyone looks to me to be the strong one lately and I don’t know where to turn and I don’t know what to do! I am homesick for love and hugs that I don’t get. Everyone seems to think I have no desire to succeed because all I’m doing is working at an ice cream/cookie store for little pay and no vacation (paid) time off! No! I am doing all this because I love you and I don’t want to see you hurt. I just want someone to talk to, to hug, and to cry on their shoulder for once because I don’t get that any more. It’s hard! (At this point another song comes to mind, but the title escapes me for the time being.) “Everybody’s got to love somebody sometime! When you do I hope you never part!” Well, I got news for you. I’m wanting someone. I need someone to love me. No, I’m not depressed; I’m not suicidal either! Let’s not even get into that topic again (it’s too emotional and too hard to talk about, but I know I’m not there)!

I’m irate! I’m confused! I’m lonely! I’m sad! I just want a friend. I don’t think I’ve ever really had a true friend in my life! Everyone seems to tell me they are, but I don’t really ever believe them because aren’t true friends supposed to call and ask what you’re doing or if you want to go “hang out”? Aren’t true friends supposed to “just know” when you need them and come running? I haven’t had someone do that for me in my whole life! I am always the true friend, but I have never had one.

Anyway, thanks for reading. If you are (or consider yourself) a true friend of mine (and have contact information for me), feel free to get in touch. I sure could use you right now. Don’t make a big deal out of it (i.e., I don’t want a huge scene or you to talk down to my family and shame them or me). I just want a hug, someone to talk to, and a shoulder to cry on; I don’t think that’s asking a lot.

So here’s the lyrics to “It’s Not Easy to Be Me” sung by Five for Fighting (one of my many favorite bands).

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird…I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
’bout a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd…but don’t be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed…but won’t you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away…away from me
Well it’s all right…You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy…or anything…

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
inside of me …… inside of me …(x2)

I’m only a man in a funny red sheet
I’m only a man looking for a dream

I’m only a man in a funny red sheet

It’s not easy … wu.. hoo.. hoo..
It’s not easy to be me…

(Thanks for listening/reading me rant a bit. ;)) God bless!

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About Christy

I enjoy: my family, my faith life, photography, drawing; writing, working on cars, basketball, football, and baseball. These are just a few of the many things I like...you'll just have to read my blog to know me better to know more of them. Other things you may not catch on that I enjoy are: cats, angels, ballroom dancing, Christian music, camping (being one with nature and all of God's creations), traveling, cherry and apple blossoms, and the colors blue (in all shades), white, black, dark purple, and SOME shades of pink. (Rainbows are cool, too. And I'm NOT a lesbian! Although, I'm friends with some gays and lesbians as well as a few transgenders.) I am Roman Catholic. I graduated from Johnson County Community College, where I majored in Animation in hopes of fulfilling my dreams of being a computer generated animation movie maker. I also have a degree in Corporate Communication from Avila University. I'm currently employed at Nestle Toll House/Haagen-Dazs (at Oak Park Mall in Overland Park), I own my own business -- C & S Productions, L.L.C. (check it out at http://www.csproductionsllc.com), and am single. My favorite time of year is Winter and the Christmas season! It's just so...well, I can't put it into words. ^_^ Lastly, I am 35 years young!
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3 Responses to It’s Not Easy to Be Me

  1. Pingback: Corpus Christi: The Pick Me-Up I Needed | Travelers on the Road

  2. Pingback: A Depression Survivor | Travelers on the Road

  3. Pingback: Butterfly Kisses for (from?) Daddy?! | Travelers on the Road

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